I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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