You work out of a Hotel?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize