Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
