So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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