Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
