You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
