apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
