I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
