here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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