I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize