you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize