I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
