How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
