so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
