can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
