Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
