I think I died a long time ago.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
