she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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