I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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