I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize