you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
