Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
