Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Congratulations! We have a period
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize