You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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