One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
