im six kinds of drunk right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
