jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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