Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
