Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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