The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
