oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
