oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if only i could text you this smell
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
