You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
