dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
foreskin is a definite game changer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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