True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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