so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
