in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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