we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just googled if crying burns calories
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
