she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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