We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
