I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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