the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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