Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
