I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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