Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
