Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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