I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
