i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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