If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
