My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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