Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
