Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
