I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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