she was so not down for the gang bang
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
