the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love accidental penises.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
