I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
