i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
