I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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