By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
