I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
