I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
