On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize