Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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