And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
