You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
