I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
