You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
