he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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