She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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Do I have a choice?
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True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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