Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
