I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
