yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
