he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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