I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
