I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
