she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
