he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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