what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
