The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize