I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
