Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
