gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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