I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
