Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
