why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh god it's open bar.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
