No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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