I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
