who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
