I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
