She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
