first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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