party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm passing your future prison.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
