booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
