so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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