I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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