Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
